Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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