I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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