It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
