you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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