I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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