I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
