But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
