He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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