The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i drank out of a bidet.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
