Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
