It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
