Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
