Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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