if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
