she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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