Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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