she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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