Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
there was a trapeze. enough said
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
