Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
