Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
