I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
we should paint friendship bongs
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