My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
