i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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