i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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