I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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