I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
