I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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