It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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