All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
