lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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