its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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