I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize