"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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