i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
