Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
