I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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