and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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