When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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