You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
