I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
