I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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