he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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