So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
