All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
