Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
