HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
