the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
