and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
