2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
