I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
