it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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