watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
