I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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