I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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