I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
