Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
