Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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