You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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