I don't usually arrange sex via text message
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize