Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
