He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize