Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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