i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i now understand why vodka
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
