just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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