You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
