you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
