I faked an abortion last night.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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