you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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